Journeys are funny things.
I’m not talking about the well-organized tour group kind of journey.
More like you set a goal in your life and think you know how you are going to get there and then find out there are a lot of detours that force you to take little roads you would have never considered going on had the road block not been part of the journey.
At the end of Summer 2019 and into the Fall I decided it was time to grow and expand the Holding Space Practice. In my mind, I would have some courses ready to offer to the world by the first of 2020.
They would be user-friendly, aesthetically beautiful and transformational for people that are ready to learn how to find their way out of darkness and suffering.
I worked hour upon hour toward this goal. Day upon day. Week upon week. I can get very engrossed in making a website look pretty.
Somewhere in December, I recognized that I had worked myself into an imbalanced state. I had set an artificial deadline of “the first of the year” to be ready to launch and publish this shiny new website and HSP courses.
I had headaches and muscles aches and heartburn, though I was eating well and doing yoga.
I realized my body and mind were telling me that THIS model (push, push, push) was not right for me and I would not be able to convey to people what they needed if I didn’t figure out a way to do it with more ease and balance.
Releasing myself from a “deadline” helped, but the detour took me onto the road of fear and doubt and distraction.
If you follow @holdingspacepract on Instagram, maybe you saw my post where I showed pictures of the beautiful video studio my husband and son, during his college winter break, constructed for me. As it became functional it hit me that I am terrified to watch myself on video.
Additionally, I would go to write down an outline for a course and an enormous blank filled my mind.
Instead of figuring out how to create courses, I have found dozens of ways that are NOT the way to do it.
With all my work in the Fall, the first half of the website is pretty done. It has a lot of good content, but the second half is barely started and the blanks and blockages keep coming. It occurred to me today that it is time to publish my work-in-progress. This does a few things.
First. It lets people glean from what is done so far.
Second. Publishing the incomplete and imperfect allows people to watch the process of creation.
Third. This is a model and symbol of how we are ALL in process. We never arrive to a place where we are complete in this life. There is always more growth possible.
Fourth. Unpublished web pages trap an energy inside of me that feels heavy. Publishing releases energy that I can use toward new creation.
Publishing an incomplete website goes against ALL the training about how to “launch a successful product”.
So be it.
I have decided to pull back the curtain and publicly publish my website as it evolves. I might look like a frenzied Wizard of Oz.
It is what it is.
I hope you will feel inspired by being invited behind my curtain.
I will continue to work through my mental and emotional blocks.
I will continue to learn the technology that allows me to create and share what is in my heart.
I hope doing this will be a model for anyone that wants to be on their own journey and that we can know and experience that balance and ease are better than push and perfection.
I invite you to grow with me. I have come a long way on this journey...far enough that I can guide you on yours while I continue on mine!
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