I had wanted to be a mother from the time I could pick up a doll and hug her. My favorite childhood game was playing house. Being a mother was a lifelong dream and I was thrilled, at age 32, to welcome my little daughter into my life and then almost three years later my first son.
But, parenting was much more difficult than I had imagined.
The ability to cope with depression and anxiety by shutting myself away from everything and everyone vanished. You can't leave infants and toddlers to fend for themselves for hours and days.
I tried so hard to be a sweet, patient, loving mom, but my internal monsters would not let me and it made me and my children miserable.
I had no idea how to get my children to "behave". I was exhausted and starting to realize that there was a medical term for the symptoms I felt called fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and depression. Even then you would never have guessed I was unhappy and in pain if you met me.
If you secretly suffer, I hope reading this helps you know that someone understands.
Often, I understood what to do--that is, I knew what behavior I wanted to have-- but usually I had to will myself to behave patiently while feeling like I would explode.
How I felt on the inside did not match my outside behavior.
I felt shame and guilt and weak when I could not keep my anger and anxiety bottled inside. As a parent, I would wildly swing from too permissive to too strict.
It was after the birth of my third child who began to have obvious health issues that
I began to learn how to get at the roots inside of me.
Eventually my internal landscape began to mirror what I had worked so hard to make my outside look like.
Bit by bit I felt more peace, calm and the ability to deeply rest.
What people say about the Holding Space Practice
“The Holding Space model has been a paradigm-shifting tool for my life. It helps me step aside from my anxieties and natural tendencies towards judgement of self and other, and instead empowers me to embrace what is."
Kansas City, Missoiuri, USA
One, out of the many, things I LOVE about the Holding Space Practice is how practical it is.
If completed, the exercises are life changing, I speak from personal experience.
Wow! After reading Carol’s Book, “The Holding Space Practice”, I am moved and inspired.
She has made accessible a gentle path towards healing and restoration.
We all could benefit greatly from doing this work.
Cambridge, Massechusetts, USA
When I began learning the Holding Space Practice I was in a very dark place in my life.
The tools that I learned helped me overcome struggles and challenges and led me back into the light.
Houston, Texas, USA
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